Day 40

One of the members of WantMyBabyBack.com shared that a way she got through a personal loss was by taking breaks by going to the movies alone.

I decided to try it. I went to watch “A Quiet Place” because one of the leads is a differently-abled person and few films show that kind of diversity, so I wanted to support it. One of the film’s actors is a young woman with a hearing impairment. I hate horror movies but I decided I could make it through this one with frequent bathroom breaks and an unbelievably large bucket of popcorn.

***** SPOILER ALERT *****

Real life is great preparation for the anxiety of a world with monsters. Unfortunately, I could not handle the death of the child or Emily Blunt talking about her grief. Emily wept silently. I wept slightly louder. For the rest of the film, tears streamed down my face and my heart raced. Fellow theatergoers checked on me to ensure I was alright. One even thoughtfully followed me to the bathroom. I didn’t tell them about Constance. I just said, “It was an intense movie.” They concurred.

Had I known this was a film children would die in, I would never have seen it. It is this naive belief that things will work out for children that made me brave enough to see this movie and have a child of my own.

Once again, I eagerly rushed home so I could completely collapse in snot-bubble tears.

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